There’s a Spanish story of a father and son who had become estranged. The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an ad in a Madrid newspaper. The ad read: Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father. On Saturday 800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers.
Forgiveness is powerful and desperately needed. It is the underlying theme of the entirety of scripture— man has offended a righteous God, and God has in return gone to great lengths to prove His love by forgiving man’s offenses. Forgiveness is all about Jesus. It’s opposite is bitterness, jadedness. Most relationships are strained if not wrecked by a lack of forgiveness.
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable and you.” (C.S. Lewis)
Some things to consider when speaking of unforgiveness is: Unforgiveness creates torment, plain and simple; It causes significant wrestling within and with others, even those who didn’t cause the pain; It’s always accompanied by suffering of some kind.
In Matthew 18.1-20 we find one of the prime passages on forgiveness and unforgiveness. Including but not limited to restoration of fellowship and peace within the body of Christ. Each and every point seems to require some element of confrontation. At the least, we confront our own selves so that we can restore our fellowship with the Father.
To start things off, the disciples ask a terrible question. “At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” (18.1). It must have seemed a brilliant question at the time, but don’t all terrible questions seem brilliant in our head? The real issue here is self. When we think of self first, we miss faith entirely. Jesus replied by using a child to illustrate the answer. Now the illustration becomes clearer and clearer as He progresses in His thoughts to them, and to us.
The context follows as:
1-11— The Kingdom of Heaven, and it’s not what you think (least is greatest).
12-14— The true value of the least.
15-20— Jesus segues to interpersonal relationships.
Now to our focus in verses 21-35. I encourage you to read this section on your own a few times. There is so much more here than I can share in this format.
We see the point of a truly merciful servant is— One who forgiveswithout exception and without limit. Peter makes his famous statement of 7 times, which is the exact opposite of Jesus’ point. In so doing, Peter represents every single one of us. Jesus then brings a virtually inexhaustible number to his awareness, 70 times 7. I have a similar question for you, to give us some perspective, Exactly how many sins have you committed against Christ in the last seven days? 490 you think? We think we deserve better… not so much. A keyword here to focus on is: “owe” as in, ‘they owe me’. But how much do you owe Him? This is impossible to conclude, but must be pondered on. The truth is, I owe Him my life. This is why Paul said He was a debtor, a slave, and died with Christ. For this man, in this story, it is a debt so large, there is no way he could ever pay it. The other servant’s debt, in comparison, is nothing. Today in dollars: $50 million versus $40. An insane comparison. But it’s infantile for us to think we owe God any less than that extreme figure.
The scripture tells us in Colossians 3.13 that we must forgive those within the house of faith— “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” In so doing, this text tells us also how it is done. Just as Christ forgave you, forgive them. Limitless and without reservation…because of what Jesus did for you. It has nothing to do with their own merit, their willingness to change or their promises. It has only to do with Jesus and His sacrifice for you and them. In Matthew 6.14 Jesus said— “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:” There is a connectivity to our lack of forgiveness and His to us. We are trapped until we forgive. These both show us: Forgiveness is the explicit will of God. Now check out 2 Corinthians 2.10-11 where Paul says— “To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.” If we don’t forgive, Satan gets an advantage. Paul is saying: ‘don’t be ignorant of this’. We should know this is how it works!
I think it’s important that we look at a couple of terms in Matthew 18, namely in verses 27-29. The word “forgave” means to: ‘send away, to release, to go away from’. Literally means to be ‘unobliged’. We have unobligated ourselves from the drama or the person themself when we chose to forgive. The word “owed” means: ‘a legal, ethical, economic obligation’. Literally means ‘obligation’. Isn’t it interesting that the very thing you think you are obligated to, because of hurt, has actually obligated you. The phrase: “moved with compassion” (splanchnizomai) means: ‘moved in the inner parts, care that turns into action’. Greeks used this as to: ‘actually feel their pain’. He said be: “patient with me” which is: ‘to bear, to hold for another’. Impatience is what was shown which is to say… ‘to drop without care’. According to Jesus, this is critical in our relationships. If only churches would wise up to this.
The true miracle of the story is found in verse 27. Out of deep compassion, the King forgives the debtor his debt that he could never repay. His life was about to be dismantled and lost forever. At this point he begged for mercy. Such is our plight with God. We are in desperate need of his forgiveness…with no way to pay what is owed.
But what about those people that harbor unforgiveness? They know the torment on the inside; they just don’t know that it’s a direct result of their own lack of compassion. Bitterness is ‘entrenched animosity’. Which is ‘hatred’ to another. It’s the word (pikria) which means: ‘to make fast, to fix in place, to fasten together with another’. It means you have attached or fastened yourself to another; the very one you don’t want to be fastened to. It also means you can be fastened to an event or deed done to you by someone or some thing. In English it brings 2 connotations: 1) To bite or biting (bitterness). An act of hate like teeth gnashing; 2) Poison (Acts 8.23 says “gall”)
Most people who are bitter, rarely say they are. They simply point out that they have been wounded, hurt, or offended in someway… but they carry it with them. Again, it means ‘attached’, they can’t let go. You don’t know it, but it’s under the surface, ready to come out at any time… “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled” (Hebrews 12.15).
There are four universal results of bitterness: 1) Physical illness and disease. 2) Emotional distress and even disorders. 3) Spiritual deception and bondage. 1 John 4.20. 4) Acting like the one you are bitter at. Are any of these symptomatic results true in your life? This is NOT God’s will for you, at all! There is a cure and it’s found in verse 35— “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.” Jesus said, “from the heart”… it must be a truly heartfelt action, not just lip service. Saying it means nothing. Doing it is another thing entirely. Stop rehearsing the offense; the event; the way it felt. You’re just asking for it… wallowing in it… staying attached to it. It’s a decision of your own will to forgive and un-attach yourself from the event, action, or feeling. When you choose to withhold forgiveness from people, you have chosen to rob your own peace. The protection of peace is gone; now that aid is distorted when you make decisions and continue in other relationships.
Matthew 18 does not teach what a person did to you – but rather what God will do to you. He stands ready to grant you freedom and release from the torment. All you have to do is forgive the unpaid debt. Release the offender and the offense. As a loving parent, He disciplines us for lack of obedience, even in this area. He told us to forgive as He did. When we refuse then we have disobeyed Him. Thus the discipline of torment until we choose to obey. There is a very real connection with: unforgiveness and suffering. You are simply dragging behind you a ball and chain of pain and bitterness. It is exhausting your emotional and spiritual resources every second of every day. This is the opposite of freedom.
Ephesians 4.32 says— “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Paul said here: “even as”. Just as you were forgiven… the same way… we chose to forgive the person or the action; based upon Jesus’ selfless act, and not their own merit or apology. We will talk more about this later, but this is a good starting place— remember how much God has had to, and still does, forgive in you. Cancel the debt. Walk in freedom again. For some of you that may be for the first time.
The greatest act of forgiveness is recorded in Luke 23.34— “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” Jesus chose to forgive those who were killing him. This is an expression of the boundless compassion of God’s grace. That same power is in you. Yes you can do it. What they did to you is on them, but you holding it is on you. What they did hurt, but now only you are hurting you. You can make it stop. Cancel the debt. Let it go.